a baby story — part 1

For the past four-plus months, whenever I’ve had 15 minutes during which a human was not attached to my upper torso, I had a choice to make: finally get around to finishing our birth story…or shower. Invariably, I chose to shower every time, sometimes multiple times a day, because it’s quiet and warm and private and mellow and requires next to no brainpower. But then one night my kid slept six hours in a row, uninterrupted, and I woke up feeling like a complete human person with mostly functioning vital organs. And then he did it again the next night. By the third night I was pretty sure what we had on our hands was a pattern, something I could rely on to happen again and again (so naïve am I), night-time hours during which I could sink deep into REM sleep for the first time since the end of my second trimester of pregnancy, such that when 15 minutes presented themselves to me after that, my first thought was not, how do I turn off and recharge, but rather, what do I do with all this free time on my hands?

So, at long last, this is my birth story. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Continue reading “a baby story — part 1”

i’m a mom

“I’M A MOM.”

That’s my newest line of defense for most things baby-related, such as why I’m covered in three-day-old bodily fluids, like, all the time, to literally everything else, especially things not baby-related, like when I spelled my name wrong on my driver’s license application and then confirmed that the wrong spelling was correct and then got the incorrect license in the mail and immediately cursed the DMV for its error, because is the DMV a mom? No, it is not, I am. Continue reading “i’m a mom”

countdown to baby: EDD TODAY

I’m in a near constant state of brain fog now, drastically compromising my ability to remember the fact that I have a blog, and even though I promised to post a status update every day, I failed to take into account how many naps I need. What I have had no trouble remembering, however, is that I’m still pregnant. Continue reading “countdown to baby: EDD TODAY”

countdown to baby: t-minus two days to EDD

A week or so ago when I signed off my last post with “see y’all on the other side!” I was saying it like so because I sort of believed this baby would be joining us….like….imminently. I didn’t have any reason to believe that; it was just wishful thinking, a type of thought that could be described in some quarters and medical communities as “delusional.” Continue reading “countdown to baby: t-minus two days to EDD”

the homestretch

Apologies in advance to my mother, who upon reading the following fact will undoubtedly shudder in horror at the thought of me having sex (gross!) on a fateful day 37 weeks and four days ago, but as of this writing, I am 37 weeks and four days pregnant. Continue reading “the homestretch”

pick’em pool: baby nattis edition

I’m a lifelong baseball fan. I GET baseball. I am really, really terrible at math, unless it’s baseball math, and then I am still pretty terrible at math but I GET IT slightly more and hate it slightly less. When I think about raising our kids in a STEM-focused household I always say to myself, “and Imma start with baseball.” Continue reading “pick’em pool: baby nattis edition”

yes, i’m enormous, thanks for noticing

Depending on who you are or how well you know me or what time of day you read these posts, your feedback vis-à-vis your perception of my overall pregnancy experience has ranged from me suffering utter misery to me enjoying ecstatic bliss. You are all 100 percent exactly accurate. Continue reading “yes, i’m enormous, thanks for noticing”

the great debate: do babies change friendships? or, an ode to my friends

After recovering from the initial shock of discovering we’ve signed ourselves up for a lifetime of being overworked, underslept, cash-strapped zombies (LOL JK I will never recover from that), I began to seek out resources for how to manage everything we will be taking on as new parents. Obsessively and probably unnecessarily. Continue reading “the great debate: do babies change friendships? or, an ode to my friends”

pregnancy: an exercise in tolerating extreme discomfort

[WARNING: THIS POST INCLUDES GRAPHIC DETAILS ABOUT BODILY FUNCTIONS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.] Continue reading “pregnancy: an exercise in tolerating extreme discomfort”

i used to be a writer

I used to be a writer. Then I wasn’t. Or maybe I always was, because maybe being a writer, like being an addict, doesn’t cease to be part of who I am just because I am not actually putting words on paper or licking the bottom of a snifter (I have some experience with both). At least that’s what I like to tell anyone who asks what my goddamn problem is and why I quit writing. Continue reading “i used to be a writer”